Doggerel

By Abigail Thomas

I’m quintessential female
I have a jealous heart
and that last girl he brought up here
was nothing but a tart

she ate up all his ice-cream
she drank up all his schnapps
and then she made a noisy fuss
when I climbed on their laps

he took me off the sofa
he put me in the chair
she said,”My god, your furniture
is nothing but dog - hair”

(my master is an idiot
how freely I admit it
he used to have a thinking – cap
but someone must have hid it)

she laughed at all his silly jokes
(which most girls find a chore)
and then she took off all her clothes
and dropped them on the floor

it’s not that I’m small-minded
he’s had some other lovers
but this one didn’t understand
I sleep under the covers

I don’t like to be pushed around
I do not care for scowls
she told him that I snapped at her
when all I did was growl

I’m certainly no prude
(I’d prove it if he’d let me)
but I saw no reason why she shouldn’t
rue the day she met me

her clothes I chewed to pieces
her silly boots I bit up
some of this mess I swallowed
but most of it I spit up

“how could you keep a dog like him?”
she cried,”this filthy cur?”
my master looked at me and smiled,
“No, not a him, a her.”
- Suzy

Comments : I found this poem about a possessive pet dog quite cute. Rather true to human emotions too, but being expressed by a dog with rhyme and metre makes it adorable. It's from a book titled 'Unleashed. Poems by Writers Dogs'.
- Zen